Kids

When I say Kids, I don't mean young goats. Rather the implications of young humans taking on the character of little goats~! (So bad a caretaker)
Its all about the way you talk to them sometimes. Gotta be firm ut not too pushy, I'm trying to strike a balance here now..

Yes, I'm stuck with 3 kids for 3 days cuz my parents went to Bangkok with my neighbours on a weekend holiday. So its my turn to be the "babysitter" for the few days (which I gladly agreed at first, I think they well deserve this break).

I was back in time before they got home from school, so 1 point for me! (YaY!)

Took them out to McDonalds for lunch (their request .. so thought I'd make a good impression)

Let them watch TV and play a little bit while I did my work in the evening.

Had to rush out to buy groceries cuz I found out the cupboards were empty (I promised them pasta tonight)

Made "nice" pasta for them, so another point for me ( though they didn't finish em all up)

Pushed them so hard to get them to be ready for tuition. (They were PLANNING to be late!!!)

Got them just in time for tuition, so another point for me (Yippie! Getting good at this)

Had some personal time while they were away.. and watched a super clear DVD of Oliver Twist (Good Show, I liked the emotions and the psychology of it)

Picked them up from tuition perfect timing (though it disrupted my show... half a point maybe?)

Tried to push them to wash up and go to bed, this was tough. Had to really know how to talk to them properly.

Went out with my friends while they were watching TV about 11pm (Bad babysitter, lepaking -- minus 1 point)

Came back aout 12.30 to find them still glued to the Dumb-Black-Box (TV) Bad Bad babysitter -- minus the half point!!

Finally they're asleep (about 12.45am)

Well lots to do again tomorrow, gonna have to feed them, wash clothes, send them to tuitions, bring them out for some fun, and clean up after them...
Busy busy day.. but not with my own work.. haha

I think I'm just not ready yet for parenting.
(I'm amazed how MeL* keeps that balance)

Silent as it is

The fall of a petal,
A chilling cold breeze,
So swift yet gentle,
Silent as it is

The sun’s bright awakening,
Time and again from the east,
The glow of a tranquil evening,
Silent as it is.

Whisper, whisper,
In the thick pale mist,
No one hears her,
Silent as it is.

Broken, shaken,
Her silence stolen,
Unnoticeably abrupt,
Discreetly interrupt,
The earth starts shifting,
The tides start rolling,
The sea turns rough,
Shorelines engulfed,
Mayhem, Destruction,
Misery, Devastation.

Be Quiet, Be Still,
Once again all at peace,
May they then gradually heal,
Silent as it is.

A poem I've written over a year ago, just wanted it to be in my blog again in reflection of the Tsunami 2004

Conversations in my head

Circumstances ground begins tough to swallow,
For what more ahead even harder to follow,
I fear what lies within is really hollow,
And not knowing what will become of tomorrow.
Where lie thee in my need?
Why do you leave me bleed?
Fear birthed amidts uncertainty,
Drives me to the the brim of sanity.

Can you not Follow??

What drownth ye in all thy sorrow?
Wherst from this spirit ye borrow?
Have thou not seen I have cleansed thy feet?
Do the same, May this act repeat.
Fore bareht ye the task ahead,
Set off the journey, I'll make it straight
Toil ye must in the heat of noon day,
But come the evening, gather to pray.

I have you in certainty!
Come follow me!

Sorry

Sometimes sorry isn't enough
Sorry has to come with repentance
Sorry has to seal that action from repetition
Sorry has to have a heart felt grieve
Sorry is but a step in the remission of guilt

I come O Lord thankful of your Grace,
In guilt O God I've hidden from your face,
Ensure me Lord once again,
My heart, my mind in tarnish taint,
Lift me up so I may not faint,
I'll walk with you, in your Grace remain.


"Its hard to say I'm sorry" - Chicago

Relativism

Compass of extremes,

Ps. Sivin Kit just gave us a short exposition about "Relativism ... and beyond".
I have learnt a great deal about Relativism these 2 weeks and about how people think based upon their precepts and fore-knowledge. I'm beginning to see how many people look at things influenced by their cultural, religious and education backgrounds, and the funny thing is, they dont even know it~!

What mattered to me wasn't about either being a Relativist or an Absolutist. It was about seeing Christ beyond what these 2 terms meant. For me no compass of extremes can envelop the nature of God. A compass of extremes is infact a limited measure.
Can there be infinite absolutes?
Can there be infinite relativism?
Like how Ps Sivin Kit put it, if a man says that he holds ONLY to relativism, does he already not express the absolute element when he says ONLY? Certainly a direct contradiction. So then can we say that being absolute is the way every man should hold on to? The person will also holds himself back and say, "Depending on the circumstances". (a common safety net)
But for us Christians, its BEYOND all that.

Something I couldn't really agree with Ps. Sivin was that, he said that the Church points to the truth. I would say to an extent that this is true, provided the Church as it is today are in some kind of unification of understanding of truth.

-- To be Continued --

12th Feb 2006

Thanks Ps Sivin on that comment and for that HUGE angpow~! (Didn't really get to read the whole thing)

True Truth (if I may use such a term) is Absolute! God is Absolute! Does the church know True Truth? It just bothers me sometimes to see inconsistancy among the churches today. Perhaps this inconsistency has already begun even in the days of the apostles. It was eveident that in Paul's days, the churches in Corinth and Ephasus were having problems of their own adopting the Christian doctrine in their multifaceted cultural background.

Today, Christians also have different stands of alcoholism and gay rights. What does the True Truth really say about it?

Now back to something I can agree with Ps Sivin is that, he mentioned that the Church does not claim to have the Truth, merely a signpost to indicate the location of the truth. While he was sharing this, a picture came to me. I wish to draw it out here, maybe in another post.

This was how it is to be explained.

At the top was the Church, out of the Church was pointing to many-many directions, but there was one arrow that points down somewhere. This arrow was unique, it can't be moved, it cant be changed, it seems almost like the anchorage of the Church. No matter where the Church moves, the arrow points it down.

Gradualy the Church is drawn towards the direction of where the arrow is pointing. As it moves closer, all the other arrows that point outwards seem to just fade away .. or combines itself with the arrow pointing downwards, they didnt matter anymore.
One day the Church of Jesus Christ will, by His grace, be brought to the knowledge of True Truth and all that is around that seems to matter so much at this point of time will make no sense when we are there.

Well, as long as a Church fully understands their existance here on earth and puts God as a point of referance, I would call it a reliable sign post.

Missing Donkey

I'm sorry Steven, this is the last time I'm tying your name to Donkey.

I'm glad I could make it for such a gathering. A gathering to say goodbye, but at the same time, much felt emotions of missing someone. I can see among the seniors that they really will miss a friend, someone whom they have spent so much time together, doing lots of silly stuff together at the same time having meaningful conversations together.

I thank God I've came to know of such a friend. He has been a great influence (good or bad .. u decide). But one thing is for sure, his life challenged me to think, challenged me to step out, challenged me to look ahead, challenged me to be different if I have to.

I wish you all the Best at all you do~!
Let God lead your life~!


Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

(Proverbs 3 : 5 & 6)

Loving God

It is 2am and certainly a wonderful night. As I look up into the heavens, I see a clear and brightly litted sky with shimmering stars and a faded moon glow.
A peaceful sight to behold. Peace, peace...
I reaffirmed my surrender to Him once again.

Lately there was a young hound who finds refuge at my house's porch. A shaky character, I suspect its from the jungle behind my neighbourhood. Lean, young and handsome, yet it is afraid of human. Today I tried to befriend it by sitting with it for quite a while. He began to draw closer to me and licked me, raised its paws and greeted my waiting hand. For the first time I felt we connected. I'm trying to earn its trust.

Then a thought came to me, many wouldn't approach a stray dog, let alone touch it. For those who have allergies or a phobia, thats another story. But I guess, if we can't even learn to love a creature as such, though not well groomed, shabby, untrained, maybe infected with disease.

How are we to love those people out there who are considered outcasts?

I don't mean to equate them or put them lower than dogs. But its the same kind of love that we all share. Are we helping because its a moral obligation as a society, or part of humanity? Are we there to show care just because someone else asked us to do it? Are we just trying to impress others with our pseudo-sympathy?

By no means so, we should love as the Lord loveth, not as something we have or ought to do, but a natural compassion and a genuine kindness. Truthfully I am struggling. Not that I don't care enough, I just cannot love the unlovable the way the Lord wants me to love.

I'm moved by how much love from people like Ps. Hsia and Ms. Chong Kar Yi has for the disabled. And to think that there are many out there who are in need of special care. Not forgetting those who are out in the rural areas. Can I love that much? Love enough to take their afflictions as my own? Enough to share their pains? Enough even just to understand the things they go through? What is this kind of Love?

Lord teach me to Love.
Unconditionally,
Truthfully,
Passionately,
Beautifully.

A year ago

This is what I wrote in my friendster a year ago on my 20th Birthday. I dont want to loose it online because I want to write a new one to replace what was on my profile. I think keeping one copy here would be a safe place to keep it on the net.
Now that I'm 21, I guess its time to write a new one.

A Scream pierced Silence like Paper with a Knife,
Seconds before a new born breathed life.
A Scream from a new mother like never before,
Late one night on November 1984.

Nurses took and bathed the child,
Ever so tenderly, ever so mild.
The Doctor said, "He needs special attention,
He's suffocated with severe Mal-Nutrition."

Nevertheless, hard times pulled through.
Over weeks and months, better he grew.
Now 20 years later he's drastically changed,
Now thankful to God for what he became.

My 20th Birthday most meaningful to me,
I've learnt to treasure my friends and family.
Also the second chance in life God graciously given,
Otherwise you'll all know me only in heaven!

I would thank my good friends one by one,
But this poem is too hurriedly done,
If I get the chance, I'll shake your hand,
and say, "Thank you for showing me what it means to be a friend".

Lastly I'd say a prayer just to end,
A message to Heaven now I want to send.

Thank You Lord For all You've done,
You've made me who you wanted me to become.
Use me Lord in all I can possibly do,
I live this life only to serve You~!
Amen~!

Looking back into this piece of work... I've found much errors... haha
But I love to write, I'll keep writting

Night Flares

Its the first Blog entry for the New Year.

These nights aren't giving me a chance to sleep tightly. Most occuring obscure thoughts keep my mind awake. I can't seem to put a pin on where my mind is wandering off to. So many things flash through in and out. It sometimes tingle my emotions, sometimes they just depress my heart, yet some pains me to think about them.

Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Perhaps something I've never learnt to listen or pay attention to. I'm praying much these days, not sure why, I mean I ought to all the time anyway, but it seems to me that now I have a compelling drive to start seeking. He's got my attention now anyway.

Though the clouds hover,

Though they appear lower,

Much is the moon light,

Still reflecting bright,
Even amidst the tears of the skies,
Its glow never dies,
Much like the thoughts within,
My concentration wearing thin,
Though my mind is tired,
And should have long retired,
These thoughts keep haunting,
No idea why they keep coming,
Have to start putting them together,
To something I can decipher,
I'm sure they mean something,
Until then they'll keep flaring.
Oh God what are you telling?
Must I still wait for what is coming?
Is there a deeper calling?
Or is my mind just failing?
Sorry, I lack understanding.
All this seems so confusing.

-A Peace of my Thoughts-

en.Zyme

The longest conference I've ever had, having spent 6 days of disengagement with the rest of the world and being stuck there with the same almost 500 people. It was certainly an amazing eyeopening experience. The best thing is that we are all one in the Body of Christ and it strangely felt like home.

God's working in the conference did something in me that helped me change my worldview on certain things. There was much to be learnt and some of which that lingered in my mind were;

That God assured me that I am His son~!
Worship is not merely an act of singing praises unto Him, its a lifestyle~!
There is a battle taking place in the spirit, therefore Pray~!
God uses even the insignificant people to do His purposes
Living selflessly, doing His will instead of our own
Learn to be spiritualy discipline by earnestly seeking Him
Selah - Don't keep walking, take a stop
Reflections - take time to recollect
Be Fruitful and Multiply

On the 2nd Night of the conference, God really had to deal with me. My partiality in spirit had to be smitten. I was selfish to live the way that I am. My ambitions were not glorifying to Him. I knew that for a long time but I've never really let go. I've always had this picture of a man standing one foot in the shadows and the other in the light. I've never budged from that position for quite a while now.

They say there comes a time when a man learns to die to himself and never again to live for his own. To take up the cross and to follow his Master, doing His will and not of our own. I knew I had to Die~! Die the Death of my selfishness and my humanistic desire to live. The time came when I asked Him to pin me to the wall, let me not move so that He may deal with me. I knew my flesh would struggle from giving up my life~! But I had to Die~!

Giving up my life to Him was never easy. Till today I still need His gracious workings to deal with my life for I know that the enemy has spotted me, I believe that they are threatened by my decision to follow Him. I've came to realize that the days ahead of me will not be quiet. The Trumpets will sound and the Battlecry will roar - it is War~!



I rise to Your call at daybreak
A pale blue glaze the heavens make
I lift may hands in morning praise
I thank You again for Your amazing Grace

I leave my shelter and into the field
Indeed the seeds were of plenty yield
I take to arms my laden equipment
And with it a frothy instrument

Towards the sun my back would face
My shoulders broil in the fiery blaze
To the still well I moved to be
There You draw water, a drink for me

For hours toil made heaps of grain
Still for me it is none to gain
Yet a sight to joy despite the pain
Because alone it's You I long to remain

As dusk settles to mark the day end
I start to reflect on how it began
In Your bosom may I truely rest
To be close to Father, the sweetest caress


If there be among you who are reading this, please keep me in prayer at this time. I need the upholding of my fellow brothers and sisters so I may keep steadfast to my calling.

Testing

I'm Blogging through my PDA!

Revolutionary ain't it?

Walk

I went for a Jog yesterday evening, then after a while it turned into a walk.
It was quite lovely, the clouds were heavy above, windy cool air, it was fresh~!

But there were many things in life to reflect on, mostly because I was looking back into the days when I spent most of my childhood playing in these fields and walking these lanes. It was certainly a path down memory lane once again.

To see a mother in her 50s walking with her all grown up daughter,
A father holding 2 of his children's hands and walking together,
A grand father riding on a motor cycle with his grand son,
To see the kids playing soccer in the field,
Another bunch of them climing giant rocks,
A few of them playing badminton,
To (well... at least tried) climb a tree I've climbed as a kid,
Walk up the little hill behind my house,
Watch the sun go down on Klang Valley.

I've almost forgotten to go slow in life, I guess there are days to rediscover what you've discovered as a kid, suprisingly we'll learn to see things in a new perspective as we gather more experiences then look back and see how far we've come. Its also about remembering where we came from

Miss USA (Texas 2004) : Never forget where you came from~!

Dice

I feel like a little dice,
Can't say that it is nice,
Dont like being tossed around,
Just wanna be at one place where I can be found,
Play with me and you'll see results,
Perhaps you'll start to adore,
Perhaps you thought there should be more,
But its all I can offer,
Six is my highest number,
Fair be it to see my demise,
Would you then find another dice?

Cold

Its been Icy cold these days. The reason is because of the rain that has been pouring non stop since yesterday. It made us put a hold down on our Wednesday Jog, postponed. Not sure until when.
Its even a torture to take a bath now. The water freezing cold I dare not touch~! That's why I have yet to take my bath later, not even sure if I'll do. :P (Stinkz)

But somehow the rain brings in some ways, inspirations. It is days when my brain is cooled down (refreshed in some ways) I feel mentaly alive~! Probably because of the O2

Its the season again,

Down pours the rain,

A cheerful dance on my window panes,

Little rivers running down slopy lanes.

Cheerful sounds of falling water,

Mutes the sounds of city clatter,

Drips the sound of a leaking gutter,

As the steady rhythm go "pitter-patter".

A get away from the heat of September,

A pleasant cool this mid-October,

Prepares the mind for exams in November,

So we can all play when begins December.

I thank God for the decent weather,

My thoughts again I begin to gather,

Time to think about what really matters,

And more of my future endeavours.

Have a Lovely rainy season My Friends~!

Away

Wierd~!?

I found myself going to Joanne's farewell and yet I've hardly got to know her. Only tonight I knew there was "something" going on between her and David ... hehe (I may be wrong ... but it seems that way just now)

But I guess seeing her going away seems to remind me how much Home meant to me.
My dad, my mom, my sister, my brother.
A place where I really know who I am and where I came from.
A place where there will be people who will accept me for whoever I am and who I am to become.
A place where I find my own solitary confinement
A place to be tested and burned
A place to be at rest
A place where I call Home

Burdened yet Inspired~!

I guess inspirations come when it is least expected~!
But I've learnt also not to write only when I feel inspired, rather write what I feel at this point about something. I'll have an article (a story rather) coming up on my blog soon :P

Its been about a week I've been very heavy ladened~! I felt very confused about all that has been going on, I've been asked about many things and one of it was to be PKV's Pres. for the next term ( a position I'd gladly take but poised to put myself in a difficult situation). Even now I'm not sure what others are thinking of me...

what kinda expectations? or unexpected?
who do they think I am? or I'm not?
what do they think I can do? or cant do~!?

I feel the Eyes are Looking~!
I'm stage fright~!
Spot-light shy~!
.... or Am I Delusioned to believe so?

Lord I just wanna leave it all to You~!

Beating the Clock

Its beating the Clock again and again for me these few days.
Today I've clocked in and out about 7 hours spent on finishing up my assignment, wasn't easy but I did take a few breaks here and there

I've still got a tutorial to finish by Monday yet I may not have the sufficient time to do so as I will be performing for 4th college in acoustics tonight. Guess I'd better get some sleep before I collapse

Good Night Everyone~!

A week of Learning

~ Phewh ~!

Its been a whole week full of learning~! And one thing I've learnt very well this week and a half... is to find peace in my God~!

Even when the holidays started, I was already beginning to feel weary. So many things on my mind that I just couldn't put off. Assignments, Tutorials, Exams, Debates and AWN. I was beginning to feel so heavy inside, tired physicaly, mentaly and emotionaly. Didn't know where to run and hide~!

Monday 5th September took the whole day researching for my assignment number one... was busy in and out.. rested a lil ... then worked all the way till late night ..... I think it was 3 am

Tuesday 6th September during the one week holiday, I was rushing to get my assignment done before AWN so I could enjoy the camp (So I thought) I woke up in horror to find myself SICK~! Had fever and my nose was Running all over the place~! ((Did anyone see my nose?)) " Good Ness~~~!!" Thougt I, "how on earth am I to concentrate??"

Thursday 8th September went to the library early in the morning to look for my assignment details... then went for the DEBATES~! It was 2 stressful sessions and so much of researching .... I told them I can't come for Debate practice from Friday till Sunday because I had a Camp... They said they wanna DROP me from the team~! I was so lett down~! Plus Point to DEPRESSION~!

Healing @ AWN

But it all came to an end when I DECIDED not to FEEL the way I was feeling... and the day came for AWN

Friday 9th September had breakfast myself while waiting for ApEK with his Chun CAR ... Drove to Janda Baik while feeling Tired and Lousy ...but I thought to myself... I'll need to be enthusiastic~! No more feeling the way I felt... I left all my thoughts of assignments at home~! I was FREE...~!

Throught the CAMP I've learnt so much~! Some of them were,

- To let go and let God

- To find Refuge in Him

- Killing chicken is NOT easy

- Somewhat small fry Heroism

- Legacy Live (Leaving footprints)

- You are what you Think you are

I enjoyed myself at AWN and I went there without a hint of regret~!

Back on Schedule

Throughout the week there were many important lessons I was learning and God was really speaking to me. To re-enforce what I've learnt in AWN, He cornered me by making the messages SO CLEAR~!

Tuesday 13th Septmeber. I was doing my morning devotion and I read something from Spurgeon .. (Psalms 84:6) ... I was about men who passed though a valley of weeping and made fountains on the way ...

This further made it clear to me to Leave a Legacy ... Spurgeon commented that travellers in the wilderness naturaly feel safer when they are following a path were there were still foot prints left on the ground~! I felt the NEED to shine the light to my Juniors~! "Oh .. precious ye of generations to be"

That night itself I learnt lesson2 ... at Bible study ... to have the Peace of Christ ... that pretty much confirms what I MUST learn~! To just rely on God and amidst times of distress, GO TO HIM ... he is ever LOVING~!

The later days I found myself investing into the lives of my juniors ...

Wednesday I went for a Jog with Adelene and Adele ... and just to free ourselves and go for a good workout was delightful.

Thursday I was asked to sing for our college Tanglung fest and I got to know some of the Junior Guys from my block and I started speaking to them in Mandarin... (You all know how weak my Mandarin is)and this could be a good start for me to touch their lives. I even met a girl from my college who was also from Victoria Ins.

Friday after BE we were out with Kenneth and we just shared our stories back in Victoria Ins .. and I thought to myself... hey.. I'd better start impacting my VI juniors~! (Alicia for example)

After BE, one of my juniors came up to my room and shared all his troubles he had for the past 2 weeks, it was good just to hear him out and just re-enforce God's control over his life again... and that he need not fear what's ahead... even though they look so grim.

That night It was nice to meet Anna again and Senorita at the BMCG ... it encourages me to see them come

That's about all I want to share for today .. I need to get some sleep now... I've forgone 2 hours of sleep just to be online to write my REFLECTIONS on the 2 weeks that has passed...

** I've really been DROPPED from the NHSD competition because of lack of commitment ... it doesn't really matter anyway now..... I've thought about it... I've been in the DEBATES and I felt very Self Serving ... Now I see the need to SERVE OTHERS ... ( I got the news while I was writting this ... saddened in a way ... but... )

My 2 cents on Freedom & Choice

Freedom, in my humble opinion, exists only when a condition or a state of matter has an alternative to its path of progress. Take for example, a state where there is NO freedom would be matter obeying the Laws of Gravity or when a particle is given an isolated space to only move in one path, its said to be obtaining one degree of freedom, the freedom only to move in a straight line. More alternatives would measure up to greater degrees of freedom. Say in a certain room with four walls, a particle would only be allowed to freely move within that given space. Therefore, freedom can only exist depending on the existence of its alternatives within a set boundary. Anything outside that boundary would be “forbidden” by Law.

Choice, a point of determination between two or more different pathways. Yet unlike freedom, choice comes with a little decision making involved. Meaning it would require some mental analysis or some kind of calculated trajectory of some sort. Unlike a gas particle, it has no choice, even in 3 degrees of freedom, it only moves in random motion within its given freedom. No choice. But for a man to be in a room, just like the particle, it is give freedom to roam within the room, yet he can Choose to walk out of the room. That would have defiled the Freedom given to him.

So far we’ve established,

Freedom: Exist in existence of alternatives and no laws to hold it back within its rightful boundary
Choice: Exist in existence of alternatives with mental judgement. A decision

Thus Freedom and Choice isn’t mutually exclusive, yet as much as Choice exist in the realm of freedom (or its degree of freedom), choices would also mean to choose out of that given Freedom. If an act like this sparks a New alternate approach to a given situation where no other individual have seen before but felt inspired to follow bringing together a massive number of individuals to take that approach out of that “given” freedom, if would have started a revolution (be it a good one or a bad one). Thus potentially increases the degree of Freedom in its progress.


For all that has been said my friends, Choose Wisely!
Be it within the Freedom we’re allotted to or not, choice in itself equates to Power.

Science CG 1~!

Really miss our ex-CG leader~! Without him around, somehow science faculty is much more quieter ... when I say much more... I really mean MUCH MORE~! hehe

The other day Erica and Jeff treated me "dinner" .. so nice of them, gonna miss having them around in the faculty. But I guess I've not seen the last of them both .. hehe.. somehow these people linger on around UM... probably misses us as much as we miss them

God Bless you all and may all your future pursuits be pursuits of God~! :)

The Lord smiles upon you